oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
