We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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