I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
