I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
