i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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