Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
