It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
