i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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