Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
