My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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