he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found puke in my bra..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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