do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
