Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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