The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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