i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
