felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
