why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he thought i was a dude.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
