just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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