Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
