New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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