Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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