We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
