Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
