can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
