The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
