Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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