its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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