I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
