Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
