Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
