This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
