I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
