But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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