we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
