gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
