He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
bring money and cleavage
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
