found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
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I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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