put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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