Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have tasted many bathrooms
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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