FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've blown a few things in my day
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
