8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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