so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
false alarm. still invincible.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
