my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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