uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize