ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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