i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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