we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
