i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I forget how to act sober
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
