no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
