Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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