i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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