so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
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She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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