How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
