So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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