I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
