can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
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There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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