Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's great music for shaving your balls
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This toilet bowl is my home.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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