I think I won the penis lottery.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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