I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
