He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
