the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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