FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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